It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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