He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
