Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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