Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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