2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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