it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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