she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
