Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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