Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
