Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
this is an emotional support booty call
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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