you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
