i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
