i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
