oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
