Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize