dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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