lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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