paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
