so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
