He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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