My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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