FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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