Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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