Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
