you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
