How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
