Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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