Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You ruined the universe
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
