You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This baby is an asshole
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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