I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
