i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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