how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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