my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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