her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
