Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
