This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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