I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
