fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
