I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
