Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
