I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
