did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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