Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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