96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
