Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
