fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
