i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize