whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
