I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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