The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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