dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
