I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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