I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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