All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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