I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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