Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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