you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize