I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
