whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two words: eviction party
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
