Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
