i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
