is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
