Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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