This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize