So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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