i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
