I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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